You'll have to use a fork with that chinese food tonight

I've never been much of a dog person. Well, except for my cute dog Sunny who I had when I was little.

Now I have two large dogs. One came with marriage, but one came with the unfortunate coincidence of walking past someone giving away cute little puppies in the Wallmart (yes, I spelled that wrong) parking lot.

Now he's big, and not nearly as cute.

I sure do love him, but tell him frequently "I don't like dogs. Didn't you get the memo?"

I sure do love him, but he barks when there is any smidgen of out-of-place noise. Like, the next door neighbor daring to come home and shut his car door.

I sure do love him, but he chews everything up. You know---my shoes, chopsticks, the bathroom garbage. I'm still bitter about him eating my smoked turkey lunch meat the other day. I was waiting for my english muffin to toast and the dog stole my lunch meat. I still haven't recovered from the horror of it all.

Anyone want a dog? He's cute and barky and chewy. He came from Wallmart. I'll give him to ya for a good price.

Just give me some natural smoked turkey lunch meat.